Saturday, November 26, 2011

I feel like I'm in a revolving door

As a result of feeling a lack of motivation in life, I decided to read some of my past posts to see how God's providence has led me through my past struggles. Though this proved helpful, it also showed me how repetitive my life struggles have been. Consequently, I believe I am finally understanding exactly what God has been trying to show me for the past five to seven years.
Ever since I was little, as any typical little girl does, I have fantasized about engaging in a wonderful romance with a charming man. I always longed for that one person I could always rely on. With the "guidance" of all princess movies made, I came to believe that this romance, to which I was searching for, would/could only be found in a relationship with a human. However, after having just come out of a long term relationship, God has revealed that this romance I have been fantasizing about is a romance which can only be found in a relationship with Him. I know this may sound like a ludicrous statement, but it is true. Man was created to have communion and a personal, intimate relationship with God. It is in man's nature to yearn for this. Although I regret to admit that my dependency over the years has been in the men I've dated, it is because of these dependencies that I am now able to see God calling me to engage in a romance with Him. Therefore, even though I am still fighting against struggles I have faced over and over again for the past several years, I am finally able to look back and see what God was teaching me. Now that this is evident to me, finding my dependency in God is the next lesson.